Written by Monkey Woods

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Topics: Diamond Jubilee

Thursday, 7 June 2012

image for Queen's Diamond Jubilee Sparks Mass Emigration
This way to Somewhere Else

The Diamond Jubilee celebrations marking 60 years on the throne for HRH Queen Elizabeth II, are "progressing nicely" says an official Buckingham Palace report, with the whole of England enjoying this unique period in the nation's history.

Well, not the whole of it.

Tens of thousands of UK citizens have decided the best place to experience the spectacle would be "Somewhere Else", and have voted with their feet, and left the country.

Some didn't even bother to pack a bag or to lock their doors, so hurried was their escape.

Albert Quadrangle of London, who was flying out to Spain as we interviewed him, said:

"Fackin spongers, all of 'em! Off wiv 'der fackin 'eads! Cants!"

Another gentleman who isn't much of a Royalist, Rory Bottinger, blasted:

"Are we going to have this kind of money-sapping 'celebration' (his inverted commas, not mine) every ten years? Gordon Bennett!"

But not everyone was so pent-up with uncontrollable anger. Vlad Smith, who has been collecting pictures of the Queen for more than 70 years, said:

"The Royal family are a great asset to the country, and to the Commonwealth. Without them, tens of thousands of people responsible for the production of ceramic mugs, pens, key fobs and other such tat would be without work. Sometimes these things are overlooked. Long live Her Majesty!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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