A campaign group for fat people has said that they should be treated with respect, and not ridiculed for their large size. Every day, 5 million Britons are reminded of their grotesque obesity every time they try to enter a doorway, put on an item of clothing, or have to look down.
"It's a disgrace!" said Larry Chubb, president of the group. "Fat people should be able to..nnmm nom..walk down the street and ..hnnm nom.. hold their heads high with dignity. Oh, this cake is good! I am sick and tired of...BUURRP!..oh pardon me!..sick and tired of people judging me and assuming that just because I am...mmm nom...a little overweight that somehow I am less of a person."
Mr Chubb's group, the Lobby for the Acceptance and Recognition of Derrieres of Above Recommended SizE (LARDARSE) have released a manifesto in which they demand the government introduce certain laws to force people to respect fatties.
The demands include:
- All doorways to be widened to four feet
- Anyone looking mockingly at a fat person to be sentenced to prison
- Free pies for everyone
- Car and airline seats to be widened
- Sofas and chairs to be reinforced to prevent embarrassment
- Everyone to have cake on Fridays
- Extra cake on Thursdays
Some demands have had to be dropped though. To raise fat awareness, LARDARS suggested that all obese people should wear a pork pie on their chest. However, during a trial period most of the pies mysteriously went missing.
Anti-fat campaign group Lip Up Fatty! have ridiculed the tubby protesters. Their leader Justin Bones said that LARDARSE should concentrate on losing weight instead of blaming the rest of society. LARDARSE responded by threatening to eat him.