Written by CaptainSausage
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Tuesday, 29 May 2012

image for Medieval spoofs discovered
Tony Robinson begins an excavation, kamikaze style

An excavation at Dorking Football Club's Klinsmann Stadium has revealed an extraordinary discovery. Just inside the 18-yard box, a chest of medieval manuscripts was unearthed after a particularly badly taken penalty by Dorking's star striker Jimmy Ricketts. As he hoofed a sod of turf into the goalkeeper's face, missing the ball completely, a hint of oak was revealed beneath the appallingly assembled pitch.

Dorking's resident archaeologist, Derek Breath, who has previously appeared in Time Team as "pretend digger", was luckily standing in the five-man crowd. He barged into the scene before the referee could restart the game. The remainder of the match against Horsham Under-15s had to be cancelled while Mr Breath pulled a giant wooden chest from beneath the field.

After further investigation, the chest was found to be from the 1500s, and contained a number of hand-written stories attempting to satirise events of the day. Many of the stories were about Dorking, and the jokes were not too dissimilar from those that can be seen on well-known spoof website, TheSpoof.com.

Many of the stories will be familiar to fans of the site. One story was entitled, "Queen Elizabeth I secretly shags dwarfs". Another went, "Mary Queen of Scots has an apparent preference for midgets". It wasn't all sex and royalty though - "Walter Raleigh puts potatoes up his fundament" was a stand-out story, as was "Norman era spoofs found under football field in Dorking".

Following the discovery, Time Team are to begin digging up all football grounds in the UK to try to find more funny historical stories.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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