London, Saturday 29 April 2006, (Associated Mess): The Metropolitan Police has confirmed today that it is about to take drastic action on the fiasco of missing foreign ex-prisoners on the run who have so far escaped deportation. And top of their list is a priority plan to round up the UK's most notorious and deadly foreign gang of ex-convicts who were released from British prisons over the last 40 years and have evaded extradition ever since by impersonating members of the Royal Family.
The gang's infamous crimes against humanity include their cruel and unusual treatment of the public in erecting the lethal Diana, Princess of Wales Memorial Fountian in London's Hype Park; the installation of the grim and desperate Queen Mother Gate - also in Hype Park; the macabre spectacle of the 2003 Official State Visit to the United Kingdom by President George Bush Junior; the 'Emperor's New Clothes' farcical concoction of the Queen's Golden Jubilee and last, but by no means least, the wedding of Charles, the Pretender to the Mountbatten Throne, to Camilla notorious ex-cocaine dealing prodigal daughter of former Tory Home Office head Geoffrey Howe.
Police sources have hinted that this deadly gang are all related to historical heavyweiths such as Hitler, Stalin and, more recently, President Fidel Castro of Cuba. Their involvement in the masterminding of the Colombian Medellin cocaine cartel's export business has kept them financially afloat for some decades thanks largely to the loyal support of their American cousins - the Bush family - and their offshore bankers at the Riggs Bank.
No deltails are available yet of exactly when the met plans to swoop on this hardened gang of recidivists and scroungers but a tell-tale trail of armoured trucks, water cannon and riot-police reinforcement vehicles has been spotted not far away from Windsor Castle and the short motorway route to nearby Heathrow Airport.
Other associates of this gang are believed to be still in hiding at nearby countryside retreat Chequers House, the Prime Minister's official rural residence, at Balmoral, at Sandringham House and also in London's Downing Street.
More news expected tomorrow.