Written by Ellis Ian Fields
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Sunday, 27 May 2012

image for Queen Blamed For Glorious Weather Outbreak
A normal Bank Holiday outlook.

As Britain swelters under cloudless skies and glorious sunshine, Her Majesty the Queen is at the centre of a row over the timing of the heatwave.

Retail managers maybe rubbing their hands in delight as supermarkets and garage forecourts throng with people buying barbecue bricks and fuel, but one man reckons the public have been conned.

Mr Havelock Blench, of Trafalgar Grove, says this weather is all wrong and that the Queen is to blame.

"It's a diabolical liberty, is what it is," said Mr Blench, speaking from his back garden meteorological station today.

"Normally, this would have been a Bank Holiday weekend, right? And there's one thing we know about Bank Holidays and that's that the weather is always crap, right?

"But no, not this year. Because the Queen has this Diamond Jubilee thing they've moved the Bank Holiday to next week, so we get this bloody sunshine and warmth now and it'll be crap next week.

"It's time something was done about all these privileged types playing fast and loose with our weather patterns in such a cavalier fashion!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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