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Saturday, 26 May 2012

image for Local Man Takes Coffee And Packed Lunch To Currys/ PC World As He Checks Out 3D TVs
3D Sign - Beware Of The Shuttlecocks

Local man, Martin Shuttlecock had quite a surprise in store for staff at his local branch of Currys/PC World, when he turned up completely unannounced, along with long suffering wife, Anne, a flask of coffee, a four pack of Belgian lager, and a tupperware box of sandwiches, to sustain the couple, as they demurred over whether or not to buy a large screen 3D TV.

"It's a considerable investment," Shuttlecock told reporters. "We wanted to take our time and weigh up all the pros and cons about what exactly 3D has to offer."

Upon entering the store, Shuttlecock and spouse proceeded to the television department, and had a look at a large screen, wall mounted 3D television set, with 3D glasses attached to some sort of height adjustable stick, (So that midgets and giants alike can have a look without putting their backs out) so that potential customers can get a feel for the merchandise.

The couple then moved on to a less prominent 3D display area, where Currys/PC World had thoughtfully placed a white leather sofa, several 3D TVs, and a sort of plastic cup affair with a range of 3D glasses in it.

"That's what we went for," Shuttlecock revealed. "You can't rush a big decision like this one."

The couple then settled down side by side on the sofa, and put their 3D glasses on, apparently keen to discover if 3D TV is all it's cracked up to be.

Store Manager, 'Darren - Happy To Be Of Assistance' later told reporters from the local paper:

"I think they sat down on the sofa watching the 3D tellies for about three hours. They were eating sandwiches and drinking coffee out of a flask. We value our customers here at Currys/PC World, so we were quite happy to let them do that. It was only when the husband starting cracking open cans of Stella, that I politely informed him that we don't have a liquor licence. He told me to 'piss off' and that the customer is always right. So I left them to it. It's all about good customer relations, and in times of recession and austerity it isn't my place to go hounding customers."

By all accounts, the Shuttlecocks were quite impressed by the quality of the 3D viewing experience, especially the bits where a load of butterflies appeared to be flying around their heads, and the woman blowing bubbles.

"It was dead good that," Shuttlecock related. "You felt like you could just reach out and grab the butterflies, or pop the bubbles. I was well impressed, me. I was."

"That's the whole point of 3D TV..." Anne interjected.

"Yeah, all right...like I didn't already know that..." Shuttlecock smirked.

After the three hours had elapsed, Shuttlecock and his long suffering wife began asking questions to 'Darren - Happy To Be Of Assistance'

Darren informed the couple that the discrepancies in pricing related to some of the stock being last year's models, and with the more expensive ones embracing the latest cutting edge technology.

"I hadn't a clue what he was on about," Shuttlecock said. "He said the cheaper models were 'passive' and the newest models were 'hands on active.' I had no idea whatsoever what he was wittering on about. They all looked the same to me."

Eventually, Anne Shuttlecock informed Darren that they would think about making a purchase, and if the couple decided to commit, they would return at a later date.

"That's when she dropped the bombshell," Shuttlecock revealed. "She said that she'd pay for the telly providing I agree to only have a beer at weekends, and not at all through the week. That's a big ask in my book. I mean, some days a man could really use a beer after a hard day's slog at the factory. She can stick her 3D TV up her arse as far as I'm concerned. Sod that."

To which, Anne countered:

"If I decide we're having a 3D telly, we're having it mate. That idiot has no say in the matter. We've got the Euro football championships coming up, and the Lympics - the final word will be mine. It always is. We'll be going back to Currys/PC World in the next few days and arranging delivery."

Store Manager, Darren, actually had the last word:

"They're valued customers, and I hope they do come back and place an order for a state of the art 3D television, only this time without the three hour picnic. I had to get one of my lads to hoover the crumbs out of the sofa, and it stank of stale beer for three days."

The Shuttlecocks have not yet placed an order for a 3D TV - the world no doubt holds its breath in eager anticipation.

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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