Written by IainB
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Saturday, 26 May 2012

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Soundbitemeister Blair will surely leave the headline writers with a glut of options after Monday's enquiry

With Tony Blair taking the stand in the Leveson enquiry on Monday morning, many people are expecting him to be questioned about Rebekah Brooks. Tabloid headline writers are sharpening their pencils in a euphemistic way at the prospect of what he might say.

Early reports of the expected cross examination suggest that it will focus on the relationship between the former PM and the former editor of the News of the World. This has led to Monday's testimony already being dubbed T. Blair and The Witch Project.

"It's such an obvious pun," said tabloid headline writer and former Secretary General of the UN, Kofi Annan. "I wish I'd thought of it."

Brooks has been dubbed a witch at the centre of a witch hunt for the Leveson enquiry and has already been charged with perverting the course of justice. Being called a witch is the least of the insults thrown at the voyeuristic eavesdropper. Annan had been hoping that she would turn out to be quite short, so that he could call her the Titchy Bitchy Snitchy Witchy. However, she was above average height, so he had to settle for just 'witch'; a title that has stuck.

Rebekah Brooks is also a ginger witch, leading some headline writers to try and work in a way of intimating that she is the illegitimate offspring of Ron Weasley and Hermione Grainger from Harry Potter. So far without success.

Now Blair is to take the stand, journalists and headline writers across the country, including Cumbria, are getting impatient waiting, hoping for more juicy soundbites.

"We're hoping for some exceptional quotes from Blair," said Annan. "Something we can really sink our teeth into. He's been out of the headlines for over a week now, and I, for one, really miss the sleazy king of spin."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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