Written by IainB
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Saturday, 26 May 2012

image for Scouts burn down forest with Olympic Torch
Justin Tuleft attempting to make a scale model of the Olympic Torch using an axe and a cheese grater

Scouts from the 3.17th Fylde Troop near Blackpool were given the honour of passing the torch through Lytham St Annes, a stretch of thirty miles that took it through the historic Halfbaked Woods.

Each of the thirty strong team of scouts carried the torch one mile with hundreds of people lining the streets to watch the once in a life time event.

"It was going so well," said Arthur "Clover" Garlic, troop leader and organiser for the thirty mile stretch of torch bearing. "Until we got to Halfbaked Woods, just to the east of Lytham."

During this stretch, which took the torch into the heart of the woods, Justin Tuleft was to hand the torch to Felicity Brand.

"We thought this would be a beautiful moment," said Garlic. "Justin's carried a metaphorical torch for Felicity since they met in the cubs and brownies. To hand over a real torch in the beautiful woodland setting that is Halfbaked woods, well, we thought that he would finally get over his paralysing shyness."

Unfortunately, on seeing Felicity bathed in a shaft of sunlight, Justin stumbled and dropped the torch in a nearby fern bush.

"We teach scouts how to set fires," said Garlic. "They can make a fire using an old coke can, some cotton wool and a match, if need be. It's a real skill starting a fire with a match. We don't really teach them how to put fires out. This is something we will be addressing."

The conflagration burned through the tinder dry woods sending spectators, scouts and irresponsible adults scrambling for the safety of nearby Trout Pool. Some of the scouts stood around the burning woods toasting bread, making baked potatoes and singing camp fire songs. The rest joined the adults in the pub for a swift one.

"It's a shame about the woods," said Garlic. "We're going to call them just Baked Woods now."

Once the embers have died down enough for the fire crews to locate the Olympic Torch, the relay will continue.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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