Written by CaptainSausage

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Monday, 21 May 2012

image for Dorking man charged for dumping nuclear waste in wrong bin
Dorking rubbish tip

A Dorking man, Rod Cooling, has been charged for using the wrong recycling bin for his nuclear waste. Cooling, who experiments with radioactive materials in his spare time, mistakenly put depleted uranium into his orange bin instead of the expected yellow bin.

In Dorking, there are 9 different bins for recycling materials: for plastics, non-plastics, ferrous metals, non-ferrous metals, non metals and ferrous non-metals.

The remaining three mini-bins are for cheeses, cheeses over 7 weeks old, and Jesus and other tax free prophets.

Mr Cooling's offense was to put fissile material into the non-ferrous metals box when it should have gone into the non-plastics box. He is protesting that the ambiguity of the descriptions make it confusing. Dorking council have responded that the boxes should be filled in order of how often they are collected, which is simple.

All non-metals are collected weekly, all mini-boxes are collected bi-weekly, and all remaining boxes are collected bi-weekly each week.

Mr Cooling has been charged and is due to be sentenced next week. He is expected to be sentenced to a half-life of uranium-235.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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