Written by Suzy Smile
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Topics: England, Earth

Monday, 24 April 2006

image for 1841 Census to Provide Missing Clues to civilisation on the Earth
Is Elvis an elusive Zankulan alive in Peru?

Genealogists revel in solving the mystery surrounding the family history of human kind following the online publication of the 1841 Census of England and Wales.

The now digitally published 1841 document, gives the answer to humanity. On the night of 6 June 1841, the 22-year-old Queen Victoria, landed from the planet Zankula with her new husband, Prince Albert. There followed many such ships carrying Zankulan's who were developed into what we call ‘human beings'. These new beings were Zankulan's who had their memories of Zankula digitally removed from their brains and reprogrammed with new.

This exercise was the largest ever migration in the history of the universe. Only a few inhabitants tasked with leading and educating knew the truth. Author, Charles Dickens, was one such teacher and was found with his wife and family in Devonshire Terrace in London. The study reveals that Dickens took the best selling novels of Zankula and adapted them for life on earth.

All inhabitants first landing on Earth signed in at the intake camps based in Great Britain. It is no coincidence that England is home to humans of 100 nationalities. Many are drawn back to the door to this world. Newcomers went through quarantine and were then dispersed over the rest of the world, being taught complex pointless computer generated languages. To enable the believable differences between cultures, Zankulan's were split into different categories.

All those with bad teeth and large noses remained in England. All those tall with blonde hair and poor eyesight went to Germany, All those with loud voices, cheesy smiles and with names such as Brad, Chuck and Buck went to the US etc.

Inhabitants of Zankula had highly developed brains and communicated via ESP, using emotion as the main method of expression. To enable the Zankulan's to settle on earth it was important to erase this part of the brain and unfortunately this led to many imperfections and a reduced life expectancy. Pure Zankulan's live to ages in excess of 200 years and it is rumoured that hidden away in Peru live colonies of pure Zankulan's including those we thought died prematurely. This is likely to explain sightings of supposedly dead people like Elvis Presley.

For years family history experts have regarded the 1841 count as the earliest one that is of real value. And now realise that no earlier exists as mankind did not inhabit this planet. The planet Earth was ruled by apes.

Just as one book closes another one opens. Genealogists hope the pages will provide answers and leads that have been so far elusive. The goal is to discover where and how Zankula can be located to enable family history to be retraced for millions of years. Richard Branson of Virgin is already selling tickets for the first package tour to Zankula; tickets are being resold on ebay with a reserve of $200,000.
Unleash the Zankulan Within is now on sale priced $45.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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