Written by queen mudder
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Monday, 21 May 2012

image for Palmists study Rebekah Brooks' dabs
A simian crease and alien monoliths on her Mount of Mars

London - Forensic chiromancists at the Met's digital fingerprinting division studying the Rebekah Brooks file have issued a statement about her simian crease.

"It's a classic indicator of a non-fraternal twin," Professor Sir Moriarty Monkfish commented this morning, "one whose own corresponding palm lines look like a forked-tongue snake."

The phenomenon occurs when a hand's heart and head lines are fused to form a new single transverse palmar crease resembling 'the normal condition of non-human simians'.

"It runs amok in the Bush family, of course," Monkfish continued, "including the Blairs and Queen Elizabeth.

"We think it might be triggered by sex with an animal - possibly Guy The Gorilla at London Zoo."

Other key indicators in flame-haired Rebekah's palms include 'some alien monoliths' on the area of her left hand known as the Mount of Mars.

These are said to strongly resemble weird Martian phenomena photographed in 1976 by the Viking Orbiter which sparked a huge scare about aliens in space.

However Monkfish's biggest worry are oddball alien artefucts on Brooks' right hand Fate Line.

"They look like pre-Atlantean sim cards," the digital sleuth warned colleagues, "slap bang in the middle of her Diamond Jubilee Garden FĂȘte line, actually."

"Wanna see pix of Rebekah dancing the conga in front of Prince Philip at last year's summer bash?"

Rupert Murdoch is 104.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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