Written by queen mudder

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Friday, 18 May 2012

image for Arab despots paying £1 million-a-plate for Jubilee dinner
Qatari Emir donating thousands of gas top-up vouchers for cash-strapped Windsor Castle meters

London - Proceeds from the gold-embossed 'Donations Welcome' invites were filling up Palace coffers today.

Billed as the ultimate despots' photo-op the feast's bound to sanitise some very dodgy despotic profiles.

And raise oodles of cash for the Cubic Zirconia Queen.

Human Frights specialists like Bahrain's King Hamad and Saudi Arabia's King Fahd were spearheading the fundraiser with bullion-stuffed suitcases.

"Enough gold there to make the Brink's-Mat heist gang's eyes water," a Palace flunkey commented as Prince Philip fought back tears of relief.

Others like Qatari despot Shaikh Hamad Bin-Bag Khaklifa Al Thani have donated a mix of 'discrete' bearer bonds and thousands of top-up vouchers for Windsor Castle gas meters.

Meanwhile Brunei despot Sultan Hassanal Bolkiah has given one of his finest daughters as a wife for Prince Harry complete with an annual £1 million dowry for the next 20 years.

A rough calculation shows Queen Elizabeth will rake in a good £30 million tonight at the glittering banquet to celebrate the massive 60-year hoax.

Guests will be serenaded by a medley of music including 'Diamond Dogs' and 'Who Wants To Be A Millionaire' courtesy of the Palace Palm-Greasing Orchestra.

Carriages at midnight will then take the bastards home.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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