CROWN KING, Arizona - It is just about summertime and that means two things; hurricanes and wildfires.
Arizona has not been hit with a hurricane since 1967, when Hurricane Mazola slammed into Tombstone knocking down power lines, saguaro cactuses, and spreading a lot of Tombstone's sand from Benson to Pima.
But what has really become a major problem for the anti-Taco Bell state are those pesky, quick moving wildfires. Arizona wildfires have been known to move faster than Kevin James chasing after a double pepperoni pizza.
Maricopa County Sheriff Joe "Pinky" Arpaio, who has self-proclaimed himself to be the greatest sheriff since the days of Sheriff Pat Garrett, just told Amos Soursuckle with GOPicky Magazine his theory on the wildfires.
He let Soursuckle know that as far as he is concerned the cause of the hundreds of Arizona wildfires from last year and the dozens of wildfires so far this year can all be traced to President Barack Obama and the members of the Democratic party.
When asked to explain his unbelievably amazing charge "Pinky" Arpaio took a sip of his Redneck Light Beer and pointed out that he truly feels in his heart, soul, mind, and liver that the wildfires have been started by members of the Occupy Arizona Movement.
Soursuckle asked what in the world that has to do with the president or the Democrats.
He took a sip of his beer and spit on the ground. He then explained that the Occupy Arizona Movement which is a splinter group of the Occupy Wall Street Movement is funded by President Obama using money that he recently collected at The George Clooney Fundraiser in LaLaLand.
Soursuckle, who is an avowed Republican called Arpaio's theory preposterous.
Sheriff Arpaio shook his head and reminded Soursuckle that people laughed when they heard Ponce de Leon say that the world was round.
"Pinky" was told that Ponce de Leon never said such a thing and that he had him confused with Christopher Columbus.
Arpaio got a puzzled look on his face and said, "Well whatever, hell all of those Irish explorers look a like to me."
Soursuckle asked Arpaio if he was also going to blame President Obama and the Democrats for the hurricanes that will be forming in the next few months.
He smiled as he scratched a spider bite on his elbow and remarked, "Ah no, Mr. Smart Aleck, I put all the blame for the hurricanes on Vienna's president Hugo Chavez.
[EDITOR'S NOTE: Hugo Chavez is actually the president of Venezuela. Sheriff "Pinky" apparently studied at the Sarah Palin Institute of Georgraphy.]