Written by queen mudder

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Topics: Royalty

Wednesday, 16 May 2012

image for 'Vermin in Ermine' duchess thrown out of Castle as estranged husband can't pay the rent
Gawd knows why he ever married her, couldn't have been for her looks

South Coast - For nearly a decade they flounced around its ancient ramparts telling the whole world the Castle belonged to them.

Last week the rent-n-drive pantchnicons finally exited the medieval drawbridge as the East Wing front door slammed shut for the very last time.

A nasty dose of bitter matrimonials saw the Duke scarper last April as his preposterous marriage crumbled much like the Castle's Tudor sewers.

"Apparently the Duchess found out she'd married an impostor," head gardener Russell Twiggs said today as news of the impending divorce broke.

"Now he's about to be stripped of his title and outed as a rogue Her Grace will have to start calling herself plain old Mrs Bush, hehe."

Tricky pre-decree nisi negotiations have seen the Duke fail to renew the annual £1 million pound lease 'to include use of the Castle's fabulous swimming pool.'

"That's what happens when the owners catch you pissing in the water," Twiggs continued, "and boasting about it being their magnificent gardens and immaculately tended grounds.

"Daft old gold-digger's now having to eat crow, holed up with the brats at a quarter of the rental in a converted barn somewhere south of the M25."

Reports also abound that the scion of one of the nation's oldest ducal families has been formally outed 'as yet another fetid grandson of ex-US President George Bush Senior'.

The formal process to strip him of all hereditary baggage now begins as the Castle's outraged proprietors fumigate their property of any remaining infestations left by their tenants.

Expect a full-on public row to blow up shortly.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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