Written by dulcie gabbani
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Topics: Weather, Northerners

Tuesday, 15 May 2012

Following the latest chapter in the bizarre story of British weather, the government has taken the unprecedented decision to deregulate the weather. This comes after ten sizzling days in March,the wettest April since 17BC, one of the coldest and windiest starts to May. Posh boys and girls (darn sarth), looking forward to upcoming social events this summer, have come to the conclusion that enough is enough.

Well-known social deadleg Tamara Palm-Tree Bonkison* told our reporter "We've got Wimbledon, Henley and Ascot, among others, all coming up. So those Northern types can have the rain, yah, they're used to it, then for sure we can have the sunshine we need for these very important events.I mean we don't want to get pisswet through to our tits. Plus there's Her Maj's big do - the diamante jubbly."

Members of the government were adamant this was a sensible policy in the current economic climate. A spokesman called Dave said, "After taking advice from a variety of experts, including top merchant bankers, media tycoons and posh people, it has been unanimously and democratically decided by myself and Boy George to go for it, don't you know."
Dave's valet, Negg Click added, "My political elders and particularly betters have told me how much better this new arrangement will be, They said to trust them and of course I do."
Michael J. Fishcake, egregious Professor of Meteoric Phenomenal Studies at the London School of Clear Skies explained,"The ethereal weather patterns culminating in diverse viscosity of barometric pressure undoubtedly subtend alluvial precipitations such that prevailing conditions are developing." Although when challenged, he said he had no idea if there was going to be a hurricane in the next week or two

*Tamara Palm-Tree Bonkinson is a member of the SDP, (The Social Dipsomaniac Partygoers).

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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