Written by queen mudder
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Saturday, 12 May 2012

image for The year's most potent astrological alignment to crush the Cubic Zirconia Jubilee Queen
Another drop of Fountain of Youth embalming fluid, Ma'am?

Windsor - Sunday's Sun/Jupiter conjunction at 23 degrees Taurus is scaring the socks off the nation's Usurper Queen.

The Russian-born niece of Joseph Stalin is in a terminal face-off with Our Lady of Fatima who first warned the world about Elizabeth Windsor on 13 May 1917.

Punch-drunk with spurious Jubilee attention the faux monarch is busy knocking back some 'fountain of youth' potions prescribed by court physician Sir Harold Culpeper-Shipman.

A tincture of his fabled zirconium-carbon monoxide posset is said to have shaved years off her face - if not the crinkly whiskers still requiring a daily tweezer.

This weekend she's brazening it out at the Jubilee Pageant where hundreds of equine relatives of Rebekah Brooks' mare Raisa strut their stuff near Windsor Castle.

A tin foil-reinforced lining inside her Mad Hatter pillbox is there to protect her from the Fatima Lady's hex.

The three-part 1917 prophecy promised a dramatic removal of sordid Russian 'errors' blighting Fair Albion's royal bloodline rights.

Decades of pollution by KGB disinformation and Vatican bollox have seen the House of Windsor reduced to farce as yet more and more DNA relatives are suddenly ennobled - like daft Italian grand-daughter Kate Middleton.

Tomorrow's awesome astrological aspects predict the end of all that rubbish.

The Duke of Edinburgh may also perish in the fallout.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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