Written by CaptainSausage

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Topics: Dorking, Museum

Saturday, 12 May 2012

image for Dorking's Museum of Brass Rubbings to close
Rub one out down here

After a massive public outcry, the Museum of Brass Rubbings in Dorking is finally to close. Visitors have long complained about its long queues and overpriced entertainment, as well as its flimsily disguised innuendos.

Local resident Jeff Gapes said, "It's been a long time since I rubbed one off in there. I can't remember the last time, must have been when I was a teenager. Back in them days I could sit rubbing for hours without getting a sore wrist."

At the museum, it costs £20 for visitors to make a brass rubbing, or £30 to buy one already completed by a previous visitor.

The long queues are for the complaints booth, and people wait overnight sometimes to get to the front of the queue. Museum curator Ewan Kerr commented that the complaints had stopped for a period last month. After some investigation it appeared that the queue had stopped when an elderly lady near the front had died and the people waiting behind her were too polite to ask her to move up.

Mr Kerr has vowed to fight the closure, saying, "I can't believe they won't leave us in peace with our rubbings. Everyone likes to knock one out from time to time, even if it does make a mess of your trousers."

Dorking Council's Museum Closing Service have booked an appointment with the museum to close it down, which should be sometime in 2017.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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