Buckingham Palace, London; Thursday 20 April 2006 - (Associated Mess): Provisional IRA leader Gerry Adams is widely tipped to be awarded the Order of the Gutter in the 80th Birthday celebrations at Buckingham Palace tomorrow.
Adams, known to MI5 and the UK Special Branch as the son of President George Bush Senior and Betty Von Battenburg - the titular head of the House of Mountbatten and lifetime impersonator of Queen Elizabeth II - has been sponsored for the award by the Libyan People's Socialist Semtex works in a quid pro quo deal that sees the erection a new Princess Diana-style memorial fountain honouring the explosives manufacturing industry in Tripoli.
This will feature a nude statue of Nancy Reagan at her early morning ablutions workout accompanied by her mentor and colonic irrigation practitioner former US Secretary of State General Colon Bowel.
The UK honour is in recognition of Adams' lifetime's devotion to outsourcing the Bush dynasty's ethnic cleansing policy aimed at anyone opposed to the continuation of an all-appointed British monarchy formed under the aegis of ancient paterfamilias Lord Mountbatten, founding father of the 20th century's incarnation of the Hellfire Club.
The Hellfire Club itself is a siamese-twin type of sibling counterpart of the US Ancient Order of the Skull and Bones, whose CEO is George Bush Senior and whose Creative Director is Dick Cheney. And while the Reverend Jerry Falwell acts as Chaplain to the Bones, it is widely acknowledged that new Islamic convert Michael Jackson is the Order's true spiritual leader since the death of Cardinal Marcinkus, brother-in-arms to the suicided 'God's Banker' Roberto Calvi.
Adams may receive the award in person from Northern Ireland's police chief Sir Hugh Orde who is well known in security/intelligence circles to have waited a long time to fulfil this - one of his lifetime's top ambitions, as long the award is received posthumously.
Other Peace Process luminaries that may be honoured in a similar manner tomorrow are Chile's General Augusto Pinochet, US Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld and Zimbabwe's Robert Mugabe.
This will be the last time the Order of the Gutter is awarded. The New Labour government is widely expected to replace the honour with something more modern and exciting, possibly the Cherry Bush High IQ Medal, which would acknowledge the real brains behind the corridors of power in London and Washington DC since official revisions of 21st century history began in 9/11.