Written by queen mudder
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Tuesday, 8 May 2012

image for Wednesday's State Opening of Parliament will be the Queen's last
You bastard, George, pushing such a vile rumor!

London - Fears she'll suddenly snuff it on live UK TV were doing the rounds at Hellfire Club HQ today.

The Illuminatis' cold war shoo-in has been plagued by nightmares since Sunday's tragic 1,000 Guineas that claimed the life of 33/1 filly Gray Pearl.

"Daft coot thinks it's a bloody omen," the Lord Chamberlain thundered this morning, "just because the Irish Homecoming Queen eventually won the race."

Apparently Palace lackeys caught HM last night in yet another sleepwalk, gouging out all of Queen Elizabeth Tudor's smoke-colored pearls from the Imperial State Crown.

Armed with a pair of nostril-hair removing tweezers she systematically attacked the precious jewels while chanting 'out, damned spot!' like some freaked out latter day Lady Macbeth.

The ceremonial headgear takes pride of place during the Queen's Peach at the House of Lords ceremony that marks the start of the new Parliamentary year.

Online bookies immediately shortened the odds of Queen Elizabeth kicking the bucket during the televised ceremony to a handy 2/1FAV.

An actual collapse on the Lords' steps leading to the Throne is quoted at 5/2 while 5/1 gets you the Imperial State Crown tumbling off HM's head as paramedics rush to take her away on a stretcher.

Prince Philip's incontinence is the very stuff of legend.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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