Not content with slowly taking over your minds, Facebook will now allow you to register as a organ donor on the website. The move was greeted with applause (and some whooping and cheering) by the medical community. But a former Facebook employee informed us that something much more sinister was going on behind the scenes.
Over one billion people are reported to use Facebook as a way of communicating with friends and an opportunity to masturbate over work colleagues holiday photos. If 25% gave their consent and hit the donate button there would be enough livers that even George Best wouldn't make it through them all.
Our source who we shall only call Tom (as that is his name) said:
"This is just another step in Mark Zuckerbergs attempts to control the world. He already sits in his ivory tower liking and disliking things like a Roman Emperor. He also breaks into peoples' houses to fart on pillows and give people pink eye."
We were afraid that our "source" might just be turning into another "Shouting hobo with a grudge at the train station" as so many of our witnesses do. So we pushed him as to why Facebook having a organ donor button was a bad thing.
"The small print." He whispered.
"What?" we said.
"The small print..." he shouted. "Read the small print. If you sign up to the organ donor option you allow rich users who have paid a extra fee to browse your profile. All your personal information is on there so trained Doctors can accurately gauge what state your organs are in. The richer users then can pick which new set of kidneys, tits or eyes they would like. The best thing is, you don't even have to be dead, once you sign you can be harvested at any moment. Zuckerberg himself eats several portions of teen hearts with a dash of bone marrow every godammed day! "
We stared at him open mouthed before shutting it as it seemed rude. We couldn't believe what we hearing and vowed to tell the world about our findings. You are among the first to know.