Written by Ellis Ian Fields
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Friday, 4 May 2012

image for Oxford Student Fined Over "Great Rack" Boast
Toast, unracked, yesterday.

A row has broken out among the dreaming spires after a student's election campaign was found to have brought the Oxford Union into disrepute.

Madeline Grant, a former model who is studying English Literature and languages at St Hilda's, was standing for a senior post in the Union. On her manifesto she wrote: "I don't hack, I just have a great rack."

The comments were condemned by fellow Union members as "deeply offensive" and she was ordered to appear before a disciplinary committee who fined her £120.

A spokesmand for the Union sniffed: "For the exact findings you will have to wait for the report to come out."

But friends are rallying around the 19-year-old. "If I had a rack like Madeline's, I boast about it too," said Eugenie de Montijo, adding that she is no relation to the celebrated wife of Napoleon the Third and Empress of France from 1853 to 1870.

"It's a lovely rack, all right. Sort of Art Nouveau. I don't think it's actually silver - probably EPNS - but it certainly keeps your toast from going soggy.

"I think those knobs in the Union are just jealous that they have to leave their toast flat on the plate allowing moisture to collect underneath. What a silly thing to make a fuss about."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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