Written by Eurocleese De Zouch
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Topics: Newspaper, Radio

Tuesday, 15 May 2012

The Press Complaints Commission upheld a complaint made by turbulent war monger, and BBC Radio 2 novelty act Jeremy Vine.

In July 2010, Belfast-based "The Exeter Nibble" published allegations that Sir Vine partook in reckless activities with Tupperware, such as the rumours of putting his Salami in his Round Cake Taker, and smearing Butter all over his Jel-ring Mold.

Vine hugely denies these proclivities, but he has stated that he does suffer Amnesia, after an event at an Arts & Crafts fair, whereby a man insulted him wearing a Trifle costume.

The PCC fined "The Nibble" a quaff of Orange Juice, and they were denied entry to the annual Journalist's Parcel the Parcel Competition. Last year, the main prize was a Canoe with a man made out of Jaffa Cakes sitting in it.

Vine was told the sopping news whilst hitting a six for his Cricket team "Bent Legs XI" against the Yorkshire wonderment that is "Felching Terry".

An onlooker, Nosy Beryl Paterson withdrew "Sir Vine looked so upset....After his team lost the match, he was caught crying on the stumps, then licking his tears off the middle wicket. Strange lad".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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