Written by Backandtotheleft
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Topics: Cheryl Cole

Sunday, 29 April 2012

Unlucky in love (and crap at singing) Cheryl Cole (or is it the artist formally known as Cole?) is to use (have we put too many sets of brackets in the opening sentence?) online dating to help her find a mate. Into whom she can lay her eggs and control like the parasitic wasp that Back and to the Left news believe she is.

Unlike most celebrities Cheryl hasn't released a sex tape of her banging some dude so this will be her first real foray into the World Wide Web.

A spokesman confirmed what every internet weirdo wanted to hear in a statement that he read out. Aloud. As in "Girls". Get it? Shut up were funny.

"Cheryl Cole will be placing herself at the mercy of the internet for the first time in her life. Chezza will spread eagle herself emotionally, and her feelings will be on show for the entire world to see. She'll take time to get to know people without them having to deal with her fame. Her hope is to find somebody who loves her for who she is. A karaoke judge/clothes horse."

Back and to the Left news suspects she may be online dating because no-one can understand her Geordie accent.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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