Written by queen mudder
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Sunday, 29 April 2012

image for OMG! Sam Cam once dated Liam Fox, Jeremy *unt and David Laws before settling down with Big Dave
So what is the Mrs has a few ex-cabinet ministers as notches on the pre-matrimonial belt, eh?

London - A new book published this week lays bare Sam Cam's love life before she married her knight in shiny armour.

It paints a vivid picture of a political groupie hardwired by DNA to land a top bloke.

Some of her dates fell quickly by the wayside but three went on to Coalition government glory.

And inevitable self-inflicted disaster.

Contemporaries at the School of Creative Dark Arts where Sam gained a first in applied necromancy have given accounts of her various boyfriends.

Two of those exes have fallen on the proverbial sword while the third awaits a mauling before the Leveson Inquiry.

"Gawd only knows why the step-daughter of Sir William Waldorf-Salad, 4th Viscount Astor, was attracted to such a bunch of snotty little tosspots," Davina Herpes-Windsore commented today.

The revelations come amid reports that David Cameron once went out with a woman who has since become a nun at St Benedict's Convent of the Immaculate Deception.

Reformed crack addict and alcoholic Laura Adshead has become Sister John Hairy - er...Mary! - at the Bethlehem, Connecticut abbey where she sews attractive samplers and prays for the poor and the demented.

Last week she was seen 'on her knees' imploring the Almighty to save the Scottish Nationalists after Alex Salmond tested DNA positive as Rupert Murdoch's bastard brat.

This weekend a page on the Convent's website shows the Mother Superior teaching her acolytes the fine art of schmoozing the Redeemer for some much needed Papal PayPal donations.

Miriam Gonzales-Durantez-Clegg is 69.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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