Warning: Don't talk to your toilet today, unless you want to look like a fool! These words are usually true, but today they are even more true than ever before. An unknown scammer with a phone book has been calling every number he can find and informing people that he is a representative of Toiletmakers Inc., and that he has set up an official Toilet Help Line Service that can be accessed by talking into your toilet - you will thus recieve a response from intercoms planted in the sewers.
Normally the country would pass this off as a joke with either too much or too little thought into it, but somehow nearly everyone has fallen hook, line and sinker for it! Hundreds of thousands of Brits yelled into their toilets, trying to ask which way the water actually flows in toilets and what they should do if the toilet brush wears out.
The police were quickly on the case, tracing down where the hoaxer's calls were coming from. Raiding an abandoned tin shack in Bristol Alley, they were too late - the caller was gone.
Further calls were made throughout the week from different places, and finally the police caught him at 76 Shamdupe Street, where he - a man of about 34 - confessed to making hundreds of crank calls - not just the toilet case, but many of the other unsolved worldwide crankcalls including the American Dynamite hoax, The Spoof shutting down crank calls across the world and 15 others now safely filed away in the police records.
The jokester, who is currently refusing to identify himself and is having a picture scan run against police files, admitted that this prank was so good he even checked to make sure that it wasn't actually real by sticking his head into the nearest toilet.
With the case closed on every phone wind-up made in the last decade, this overage Bart Simpson is looking at doing 15+ years of hard time for causing worldwide hysteria and getting many people's heads very, very wet. His trial begins tomorrow at the Unserpes Memorial Court. More news soon.