Written by CWMIV
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Topics: Olympics, London

Tuesday, 11 April 2006

image for London Holds Tryouts For New Olympic Sports
Will extreme saxaphone playing be the next Olympic Sport?

With anticipation of the 2012 Olympics - which are to be held in London - growing every day, London's Honorary Olympic Committee has decided that the '12 Olympics should be full of change and difference. Therefore, all next week ideas for new olympic sports will be accepted. People who wish to demonstrate their ideas before the Committee must show up sometime next week at the temporary Committee Building, built where the Olympics will be held. They must either give a clear explanation of their sport, or have a diorama or demonstration of their sport ready.

UK citizens are already planning some sports to demonstrate before the committee next week that they hope will replace the same old running, jumping, rolling into a ball and so on. The Spoof interviewed several people and recorded their comments thusly;

  • "I'm planning Extreme Saxaphone Playing. You just have to play a saxaphone for as long as possible!" - Rebekka Simpson, age 8
  • "My Spanking Mile will remind Britain of the days when you could whack your child. You run a mile, whacking some children I've placed whenever they appear with a slipper!" - Joseph Gummy, 67
  • "I have a 24-hour TV marathon planned. You simply watch as many bad episodes of Buffy as possible. The person who makes it through the most amount of episodes without screaming or running off wins!" - Jeff Dorketson, 26
  • "Is this a practical joke? You whippersnappers know full well I can't do sports. Off with you!" - Violet Pleasentary, 106
  • "Something to do with...uhh...you know...adult stuff. Liquor, nudity...something I really like...zzzz..." - A Drunk In A Tavern, Uncertain Age
  • "Extreme Toilet Unblocking! We would sponsor it, of course." - CEO Of Bogbrush Toilet Brushes & Plungers, 50
  • "Olympics? Isn't that that thing with all the running?" - Some Guy
  • "I'm just hoping for one of those deals with fast food joints where you get tickets and if your country wins that event, you get a free burger." - Steve Scoffer, 19
  • "Rocket-powered football skating!" - General response from the Bristol Playgroup
  • "Something with risking your life or something cool like that." - Craig Comicbook, 12


Will any of these events make the cut? We just hope that all this effort will make the 2012 Olympics the best event the UK has ever seen!

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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