Written by Ellis Ian Fields
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Thursday, 26 April 2012

image for Dorking Police Impound Pigeons In Drugs Bust
Is that a pigeon? It's not - is it? Where's the Observer's Book of Birds?

Police in Dorking claim to have won a major victory in the war on drugs after impounding a local pigeon racer's birds.

Officers from Dorking Central Division, accompanied by dog handlers and an armed response unit, visited an address in Mafeking Lane around noon yesterday.

They raided a pigeon loft at the rear of the premises and confiscated about 20 birds.

The pigeons belonged to top racer Grenville Parapet. "I just don't believe it," he said. "They took all my lovely birds, including Chuck and Yeager - everyone knows one of them was going to win the Dorking Pigeon Fanciers' Blue Riband this year."

Det Chief Supt Will Boddie, who led the raid, said: "This is a triumph in the war against the local drugs gangs. We've been watching the scumbag Parapet for a couple of weeks after a tip-off that he was using his birds as couriers."

The Chief Supt, a member of Dorking Pigeon Fanciers, denied that he had impounded the birds to give his own pigeons a better chance of winning the Blue Riband.

"No, no, no - this toerag's going down for a very long stretch.

"Your sports people will be covering the Blue Riband, right?"

Dorking police are already at the centre of controversial cases involving the confiscation of a local photographer's pictures and the destruction of a local couple's garden prior to community competitions.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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