Written by queen mudder
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Monday, 23 April 2012

image for Duchess of Doolittle's new dimples disaster
Kate seen here recuperating under several kilos of facial polyfilla

London - Cat-gut sutures inside Kate Middleton's gob may have suddenly burst open 'like cheap knicker elastic' according to Palace sources today.

The royal gravytrain freeloader's plastic surgery at a Mustique clinic in January saw ditsy dimples hewn into her face under local anaesthetic.

A few weeks later during a different holiday some cavernous craters unexpectedly appeared as Kate partied the night away at a $20,000-a-week grace-and-favor ski chalet.

"Too much sucking on the midnight bong, eh?" celebwatch site LA HagFagSlagag.con chuckled this morning as pix of her saggy chops went viral on the net.

A frantic Palace rearguard riposte soon saw the Lord Chamberlain Lord Luce-Cannon deny Kate has been in hiding "recuperating under several kilos of facial polyfilla."

However the stress of coping with the disaster has seen the pointless lazy cow book herself yet another surgery vacation paid entirely by taxpayer handouts.

Of course there may have to be a few more entirely spurious UK public appearances before the trip to Caribbean just to keep her hand on the Palace PR tiller.

A public flash of thigh, a hint of cleavage [What cleavage? -'Ed'] and those tight-fisted Buck House purse watchers will soon be falling over themselves to upgrade Kate's credit cards to unlimited spending.

The handouts' total now stands at over two million quid.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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