Written by IainB
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Topics: England, Turkey, Saint

Monday, 23 April 2012

image for Turks demand St George back
Georgeos Constantinopolis on his Wanted Poster from the Ottomans

Saint George, the Patron Saint of England, is the subject of a heated repatriation debate between England and Turkey.

"Saint George is a Turkish Saint," said Fasulye Tepe, the Turkish Consulate based in London. "We, the Turkish people, are affronted by the centuries of appropriation by the English. It is time that he is returned to his roots. In Turkey."

According to Tepe, Saint George's real name is Georgeos Constantinopolis, and is deeply embedded in Turkish folklore.

"The story of the dragon is apocryphal," said Tepe. "It relates to the story of Georgeos routing the armies of the Ottoman empire. Admittedly they then swept over the rest of the country, but his battles have gone down in history as a triumphant episode for the Turks."

The ConDems are taking the repatriation of Saint George very seriously, and are currently investigating the use of an Anglo Saxon saint that could not possibly cause a repatriation request.

"If we lose Saint George," said David Cameron, "then we will have to look at some of the other English Saints."

According to Simon Schama, the BBC History correspondent, there are precious few Anglo Saxon saints that are not already taken as a patron saint for something else.

"We are left with two," he said. "Venerable Bede and Aelfheah the Bald. There is some dispute at the Venerable Bede's sainthood, as his miracle is to have had his last epithet supposedly completed by angels. According to history, he died while writing it, but it appeared miraculously in a complete form shortly after. However, it is likely that it was completed by an acolyte."

This would leave Aelfheah the Bald.

"Not a lot is known about this tenth century king who was elevated to sainthood centuries after his death," said Schama. "We do know that he was bald, however."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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