Written by Sidney Bollocks
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Topics: Dorking, nuclear war

Sunday, 13 May 2012

image for Dorking Declares Itself A Nuclear-Free Zone
The 1st Dorking Space Cadets, who were originally pointing towards nearby Leatherhead.

The usually sleepy Surrey town of Dorking has surprised the world by taking centre stage in the arena of international affairs.

Political and national security commentators have taken a sharp intake of breath, following the recent announcement that Dorking will become a nuclear-free zone, with effect from this year's August Bank Holiday weekend.

The Mayor of Dorking, and newly self-appointed Foreign Affairs Supremo, Councillor Cyril Strontium, proudly announced "Dorking will forego the untold riches which would otherwise have been bestowed by the discovery of vast Uranium deposits in the Mole Valley and beneath Box Hill. There will also be a ban on any fissionable materials being transported through the town and its surrounds and we will play no part in the proliferation of nuclear weapons".

Councillor Strontium went on to say, "We have taken the step of standing down the 1st Dorking Space Cadets and are in the process of decommissioning their inter-borough non-ballistic missiles, which had previously been aimed at the Leatherhead Liberal Club. However, the centrepiece of the nuclear-free zone policy is our refusal to allow nuclear-powered and nuclear armed vessels belonging to foreign powers to visit Dorking. This also includes all US aircraft carriers and submarines".

When it was pointed out to Councillor Strontium that Dorking is over 30 miles from the nearest open sea, and without any major river linking it to the sea, he replied "Fuck off, it's the principle that matters".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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