Written by queen mudder
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Thursday, 19 April 2012

image for Neil Heywood and the Middletons, who would have thought it?
'What's your poison Neil?' Prince Charles said, 'Pint of Dalai Llama's bulls-blood, Chuckie!' was the rep

London - Daft social climbing parasites the Middletons were once business pals of the hapless Chinese fixer found RIP'd in a Chongqing motel.

Their fledgeling psychic advice company Fortune Cookie Associates bombed after disastrous predictions virtually bankrupted several Lloyds of London members in the Piper Alpha crash.

Another trading venture flogging homeopathetic cures for chronic blue blood deficiencies did very well for a while until its patron the Old Queen popped her clogs in 2002.

A third partnership with Kate's 'reformed' ex-coke-dealing uncle Gary Goldsmith was dissolved 'in sulphuric acid' following a 10-car pile-up on the M6.

This week it also emerged that Heywood was a guest of honor at the Westmonster Abbey nuptials of Kate and William, sitting a stone's throw behind Rebekah Brooks, Fred Goodwin and Pete Doherty.

Later at the Buckingham Palace wedding breakfast Heywood seemed rattled when Prince Charles took him aside in the bar and asked him 'What's your poison, Neil'

"Pint of Dalai Llama's bulls-blood, Chuckie," was the businessman's reply.

Apparently the cocktail is a big favorite at the Belladonna Towers hotel in Chongqing where a very different concoction brought about Heywood's sudden and unexpected RIP.

Camilla's favorite tipple is high octane diesel.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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