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Tuesday, 17 April 2012

image for Abu Qatada to be extradited to Seer Green & Jordans
Abu Qatada may have to endure temporary accommodation in a refurbished mineshaft at Chalfont St Giles

Buckinghamshire - Residents of the posh Chilterns enclave promised today not to torture the old terrist bastard ahead of Theresa May's statement in the House of Commons.

Months of worry that some villagers might be tempted to follow the 'concrete overboots' path for Qatada saw the Home Secretary negotiate with contractors refurbishing the nearby A40.

Improvement works to the London-bound carriageway are notorious for 'disappearing' undesirables following recommendations of the Chiltern Local Plan to use the motorway as a way of conserving the gorgeous local landscape.

"Stops cadavers contaminating the local water table," Jordans Lane resident Major Lancelot Bludboyle tweeted today amid the arrival of Home Orifice extradition staff at a local disused foundry.

This will serve as Abu Qatada's personal Camp X-Ray, guarded by former Jordans Olympic shot-put ladies team veterans and their pet chihuahuas.

"Of course we might have to shift him occasionally to make room for the twice-yearly jumble sale," Dame Hermione Twelve-Bore, MBE, told reporters, "possibly to a disused mineshaft in nearby Chalfont St Giles that now serves as the village lav.

"Still, that's life, isn't it - putting up with minor inconveniences from time to time?

"Wanna see naked pix of the Vicar casting out demons from the Yorkshire Ripper?"

The Commons statement is expected at teatime.

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