Written by Ellis Ian Fields
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Saturday, 14 April 2012

image for Matt Lucas On Saturday Kitchen Causes Exploding Head Outbreak
The Lucas effect.

Hospitals throughout the country were on high alert today following Matt Lucas's appearance on popular cookery show, Saturday Kitchen.

The first indication that it was going to be a busy day came at 10.05 when Mrs Lucinda Tremble, of Thorpe St Andrew, Norwich, called the emergency services when her husband's head exploded.

"Solomon came into the lounge with a cup of tea, took one look at the screen and his head just went 'bang'. That James Martin was talking to Matt Lucas about his food heaven and hell at the time."

Mrs Lucy Polenta, of Beeston, Nottingham, confirmed fears that the outbreak was caused by so-called comedian Lucas.

"My Jeremy was already on the edge having seen that Lucas fellow on some breakfast news programme being interviewed about his new show earlier in the week. Then we tuned in to see the Graham Norton Show on Friday night to see Ewan McGregor, Cate Blanchett and Michael Sheen, all of whom we admire as actors.

"Then that Lucas came on as a "special guest!" Jeremy left the room and made us a bedtime drink to miss listening to his nonsense. But when he came back his show The Matt Lucas Awards was being repeated."

Mrs Polenta says her husband avoided a tragedy by going to bed. However, the following morning was a step too far.

"Seeing that twit Lucas on the cookery thing just sent him over the edge and his head never stood a chance... Doris and Jeff down the road heard the explosion!"

A top Exploding Head doctor said: "When will broadcasters learn that flogging so-called celebs and third-rate comics to death is highly dangerous? The Government needs to take action now."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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