Written by CaptainSausage

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Friday, 13 April 2012

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In an attempt to increase the vote in the up-coming UK local elections, sausages have been allowed to take part. It is the first time any meat products have been eligible to vote since pork faggots were stripped of the right in 1827. Other European countries already allow sausages to vote, and Germany even has a sausage as Foreign Minister.

Sausage rights campaigners have been celebrating the victory, particularly their charismatic leader Emily Pankwurst. Famously she led her sausagettes in protests at last year's Derby, where an unfortunate sausage fell under one of the Queen's horses. He was later made into a burger and eaten (the sausage not the horse).

The protests culminated in a huge riot in London last July, which the police had to break up with a ketchup cannon. The government then agreed to allow sausage suffrage to prevent further trouble.

Political parties of all colours have sprung up to try to grab the banger vote. These range from the Communist Sausage Party, which promises to "unite the sausages of the world"; to the British National Sausage Party, which wishes to ban black pudding.

If one of these parties somehow wins the election, it would be the first time Britain has been ruled by a sausage since Theobald the Burnt.

However, anti-sausage parties have also appeared. The United Kingdom Sausage Independence Party (UKSIP) wishes to prevent sausages from voting any more. "It's ridiculous," says their spokesman Herman Offal. "Whatever next, will we need to extend voting rights to bacon? Or pies?" He has threatened to eat any sausages he sees trying to vote.

Prime Minister David Cameron has defended the decision. "Of course sausages should be allowed to vote. After all, what's the 'wurst' that can happen?"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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