Written by Nick Hobbs
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Topics: UK, explosion, panic

Friday, 13 April 2012

image for Mystery Of 'Sonic Boom' Explained
God, dropping a penny.

The mystery surrounding the infamous sonic boom heard across the south of England has finally been explained, as government officials released a statement this afternoon.

Panic stricken witnesses flooded the emergency services with calls after the massive boom was heard from Coventry to parts of Cornwall.

Jack Pallett, 63, said "I was sat watching telly, when this rumble upped and shook my foundations! I thought the neighbours house had exploded!"

Doreen Felatio, 57, told us "my windows were nearly done in. Rattling and shaking, I honestly thought I was in the midst of an earthquake. It was very frightening, and my cat, Norris, nearly leapt out of his skin!"

The sonic boom comes just a day after residents in and around Scotland heard exactly the same noise, also jamming 'phone lines with their panicked calls.

But it was no earthquake we are assured. Officials have confirmed it was merely God moving his furniture.

"God is known to be all powerful, and therefore he has some extremely heavy duty furniture," said the spokesman "it was probably his desk, where he sits to create things. Or possibly he had lost a penny under his fridge, and so moved it out to get down behind it!"

Conspiracy theorists have already suggested that the government are weapons testing ahead of the Olympic Games, but such rumours have been dismissed with a hearty chuckle from government staff.

"Weapons? No, not here mate! Just God, and his furniture. Honest!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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