Written by Ellis Ian Fields
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Friday, 13 April 2012

image for Tax Helpline Cures Local Man's Insomnia
Go to sleep...

A local man was full of praise for HM Revenue & Customs today after using their Self Assessment helpline.

He claimed that trying to sort out an issue with the Cardiff-based tax office led to him enjoying the "best sleep I've had in months."

Mr Aleksandr Porfiryevich Borodin, of Trincomalee Gardens, who says he is no relation to the celebrated nineteenth century Russian nationalist composer, famous for, among others, the opera Prince Igor, featuring the popular Polotsvian Dances, said he needed to call the Self Assessment helpline on Tuesday.

"I knew they were open until 8pm and as the wife was away I settled down on the sofa and called the 0845 number. None of the options announced were for the service I wanted so I did what the recorded lady said and waited while she connected me to one of their operators.

"Well, I must have dropped off while I was waiting, because next thing I knew light was pouring in through the windows and Breakfast was on the TV. I looked at the screen and it said it was 7.37am!

"I'd been asleep for about 12 hours! I hadn't been sleeping well but that was the best night's sleep I'd had in months, I can tell you."

Mr Borodin waited until about 9am when he finally got through to an operator.

"That was flaming complete waste of time, bloody useless - didn't sort out my problem at all. Still, I had a good kip."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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