Being somewhat surplus to requirements now that Wills is back home and able to service Kate himself, Prince Haribo, the ginger minger decided to bugger off to Europe for the Easter.
After perusing the internet the minger found himself a cheap deal in Transylvanian and immediately thumbed through his copy of "Royal Inbreds Weekly' in order to locate any ancestors who might still be breathing and able to offer him free board and lodging.
As luck would have it he found a third cousin of a sixth Uncle on his great Grandfathers side, one Count Tibor Hokey Kainoky who resides in a 16th Century hilltop Manor in Miclosoara, a one horse (literally) town in the middle of Romania.
Jetting out with 'Wizz Airlines' economy 'moonlight special', £2.99 all in return, Haribo was delighted to be met at the local airstrip by the Counts two buxum twin nieces, Frieda and Maria.
Quickly mounting the horse and cart....then Frieda, Haribo was soon getting his end away in the back while Maria crossed her legs in anticipation of her turn while whipping the horse into a gallop.
Arriving at the Counts Manor...some four hours later, Haribo swiftly dismounted from Maria while Frieda put the horse away in the stable.
"Bine ati venit la Manor Kainoky da" mumbled the Count, "I see you haf made friends wid zer girls already da, now please to do up one's zipper before zer dogs get vind of it!"
Haribo was then escorted to his room by Frieda and Maria who quickly disrobed and joined him for a 'threesome' before dinner, almost wrecking the large four-poster in the process.
Staggering down the staircase, bow-legged, for dinner Haribo was delighted to join the rest of the Counts family and staff, most of whom appeared to be young, buxom females eager to get their ends away with Royalty.
After a suptuous feast and copious goblets of strong beer and wine the minger was well up for a good orgy and before you could say "legs eleven" was banging everything in sight, accept for the aged Count who was giving the equally aged housekeeper, Camilla a stiff one.
But alas, all good things come to an end and as dawn broke everyone appeared to make a hasty retreat to their respective rooms,including Frieda and Maria who were waiting for Haribo in his bed.
Mindful that his breath smelt like the inside of a peasants jockstrap Haribo hastily made for the bathroom to clean his teeth. "Funny", thought Haribo, "I really must get to the dentist upon my return to England as my two front nashers seem to have grown overnight. Still, for the time being I must not keep the girls waiting, tally ho and all that!"
Phil the Greek is really 380 years old!