Written by IainB
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Monday, 9 April 2012

image for Terrorist arrested after a tip off by refuse collection man
Green for glass, blue for paper, red for garden waste, purple for body parts, white for plastic, black for pets...

A terrorist working for Basque Separatists was caught after attempting to dispose of depleted uranium in his wheelie bin in Leeds.

"We've seen some right stuff chucked away we have," said bin man of forty years, Adam Chapel. "I've seen somebody chuck out a fully working George Foreman Grill. We use that down the depot now. Makes lovely bacon barms."

After Leeds introduced strict recycling rules it has been necessary for the 'binnies' as they are locally known, to check the general waste wheelie bins to ensure that if it can be recycled, it's not in the bin.

"Cardboard's a normal one," said Chapel. "People don't realise it can go in the paper recycling. If we find anything like that in the bin, we have to put it back in the bin with a little note. Although, really, as the little note is paper, it should go in the paper recycling bin, not the general waste."

The binmen were checking David Jalapéno's wheelie bin.

"We were amazed," said Chapel. "Our Geiger counter went off the scale! On top of that, he'd put his depleted uranium into a glass container! What a fool. If he'd put it into the glass recycling, that'd have gone straight through without a second thought."

Police were called, and have defused the dirty bomb Jalapéno had constructed for blowing up the opening ceremony of the Olympics. The binmen have been hailed heroes.

"Makes a change," said Chapel. "Normally people complain because it takes us two weeks to collect the bins now we have to check it all."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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