Written by j.w.
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Topics: Boat Race

Sunday, 8 April 2012

image for The Battle of Broken Oar
Battle of East London May Follow the Battle of Broken Oar

In an amazing conflict between the Elite Oxford Eight and the Top Cambridge Crew, at a fight now known as The Battle of Broken Oar, Cambridge came out as victors.

A passing swimmer had stopped the Battle in an effort to introduce a conciliation process between the warring parties. However, after a 30 minute pause in fighting, the strike rate continued.

It was then that an Oar directed by an Oxford Elitist broke as it made contact with his Top Cambridge victim.

This left the eight Oxford Elitists with only seven effective oarsmen, leaving Cambridge with an easy victory.

Trouton Oldfield, the swimmer who had tried to bring the sides together, said after the Battle was over that his next task was to stop the threatened Battle of East London, when warring parties - some thought to be Drug Dealers - are threatening to mercilessly destroy each other.

Police have been concerned for some time about the Oxford and Cambridge Gangs. Police Superintendent Simon Black explained that the two Gangs had been fighting over territory for years. 'It is about time they grew up and started to live sensibly like everyone else. Sometimes I despair of the vicious tribal battles that have wearied us for so long.'

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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