Written by Sidney Bollocks
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Monday, 9 April 2012

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A new survey has revealed a shocking level of ignorance surrounding Easter and the events of Holy Week, amongst the general public.

The survey, which was conducted by the respected agnostic journal, Navel-Gazing Today, was both scientific and representative, with the survey sample consisting of 12 people who were queuing outside a Birmingham Job Centre.

Respondents were asked five questions; what happened on Good Friday? What happened on Easter Sunday? Where did the events of Holy Week take place? Who was Pontius Pilate and who betrayed Jesus?

Many of the respondents thought that pubs closed earlier on Good Friday, with few associating anything with Easter Sunday, other than a mother of a hangover. They thought that the events of Holy Week occurred in places as far flung as Bethlehem, London, Salford and Worthing. None of the respondents knew who Pontius Pilate was, but all assumed he must have been a bit of a ponce with a name like that.

The critical question of who betrayed Jesus produced the most interesting response of all. The respondents were almost unanimously of the belief that Jesus was betrayed by Judas Priest.

The survey team contacted the ageing Judas Priest front man, Rob Halford, to obtain a comment from him. Halford said, "Look, people know I'm getting on a bit, but I've never been truthful about my age. The fact is, I was a couple of grades ahead of Jesus at Bethlehem State School. I remember him as being a real gent and good at woodwork. Also, for a kid that came from such a poor family, his mum used to send him to school with divine packed lunches, which old JC had a knack of making go a long way. It wasn't me who betrayed him, I never said a bad word about him".

The only other potential betrayer to be named by a respondent was Judas Escargot. The matter has been handed over to a French magistrate to investigate.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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