Written by Blazing Saddle
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Topics: Boat Race

Sunday, 8 April 2012

image for Thames Swim Abandoned - Universities Boat Race Blamed
The Competitor Who Was Stopped By The Boat Race

In a shock development today, the 1st Inaugural Anti-Elitist Cross Thames Swim (1IA-ECTS)was interrupted catastrophically by 17 men and a woman in 2 boats in an elite rowing race.

The Umpire of the 1IA-ECTS, Ms Drephna Doughnu-Tgobbler has commented that she had no choice but to halt the race.

"I saw the boats bearing down on our competitor and realised that they could have been damaged, perhaps even resulting in hair gel contamination of our beloved river, so I instructed him/her to dive. ".

This reporter asked Ms Doughnu-Twistleton why there was only one competitor in the 1IA-ECTS.

She replied - "Well, we are an anti-elitist organisation and have often discussed the damaging and elitist results of competition, so our 1IA-ECTS races are solo events against imaginary co-competitors. In this way, we avoid the damaging effects of the intense competition for publicity seen in the sporting world today".

At this point, a writ was served upon the 1IA-ECTS organisers by the Rip Off Betting Syndicate who have lost £5000 million because of the innocent act of these dickheads.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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