Written by queen mudder
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this

Friday, 6 April 2012

image for Confusion at 'NI cops sent sexagerian texts' headline
Allo darlin fancy a quickie behind the Leveson Inquiry potting shed?

Sussex - A sixty-something lady from Bognor has complained about misleading headlines blaming policemen, suspected of receiving News International bungs, for sending her inappropriate S&M texts.

Retired soprano Mrs Aida Bumburst said today the officers should be suspended 'from their fingernails' for the lewd messages 'and the Met Commissioner given a rollicking.'

Her outburst comes amid reports some UK cops have been caught sending all sort of horrid texts in a bid to discover if their phones were being bugged by an Official Inquiry into media phone hacking.

"F***ing c***s," Mrs B raged this afternoon, "fancy asking me what size adult restraints I use.

"Besides if they really wanted to know all they'd have to do is hack the former Commissioner's laptop where such State Secrets are kept."

The security reference may be a cunning ploy to reveal the lady's MBE awarded for services to the mezzo-soprano industry's cleavage-promotions and other diva-related stuff.

Apparently Mrs Bumburst once sang in a Nessun Dorma duet with Luciano Pavarotti before going fifteen rounds with the tenor on a robust dralon-covered chaise longue at a Royal Albert Hole hospitality suite.

Today's red top headlines 'made her see red' and have provoked a furious row at New Scotland Yard.

Katherine Jenkins is still 69.

Make queen mudder's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story

Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 5 multiplied by 5?

2 4 25 21
93 readers are online right now!

Go to top