Written by queen mudder
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Topics: Drugs, orgy, Louis susman

Friday, 6 April 2012

image for Primrose Hill drug orgy leaves US ambassador seething
These two local lovelies 'suddenly went from 0-60' after smoking some skunk in the blazing sunshine

London - Royal Parks Agency has been asked to install CCTV around the famous grassy knoll following rumors of drug-fuelled orgies on Primrose Hill, opposite the American ambassador's residence.

Reports of teenage girls engaging in rampant gang sex apparently saw one of the legation's staff members leg it up the Hill's verdant slopes to check up on local security.

Unfortunately some rather lewd imagery videoed on the official's mobile wound up on a YouBoob! site prompting the little f***ers - er...main protagonists! - to issue harassment lawsuit subpoenas.

Legal papers seen by a QM-NewsCorpse stringer suggest broad daylight 'initiation' ceremonies where innocent sunbathing teenagers 'suddenly went from 0-60' in a skunk-fuelled bonking rampage 'that could easily incite mass acts of public indecency'.

Policing the park has been cut back over the years due to cost cutting issues although two full time bobbies on the beat would still work out cheaper than nailing up to 50 CCTV cameras on the Hill's famous whorse chestnuts.

Locals reckon the ambassador may still be freaked out following last month's Rite of Spring procession by Druids celebrating the Vernal Equinox.

Their flowing white robes and tendency to incomprehensible chanting was queried after someone in the US Embassy's cultural division asked if a Ku Klux Klan outfit had somehow hijacked the ancient spring ritual held on Primrose Hill since 1984.

This morning a resident from nearby Elsworthy Road said the ambassador 'should have been briefed properly, about traditional local customs in North West London.

"Besides, the rampant outdoor teenage sex only ever happens when it's sunny and warm," Mrs Ada Bumburst commented, "probably no more than two or three times a year."

Louis Susman is 69.

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