We are advised that the Government has prepared a plan to divert the attention of the British people away from the Coalition's continual cock-ups towards the hatching of Easter Eggs.
In a sensational move that is bound to see David Cameron back at the top of opinion polls, the daring venture will see Easter Eggs ( obtainable from Government shops between 6.30 am and 7.30 am on Easter Sunday)which can be hatched into a surprise give away for every participating family in the country.
All you will have to do is sit on your Easter Egg for 24 hours and then, we are reliably informed, a bonus will appear between your legs.
An expressed fear that the melting chocolate might simply result in a brown mess between your legs was hastily poo-pooed by a Downing Street aide.
A jubilant David Cameron will declare that 'The Eggs will make those in the Big Society who join in the fun 10% better off by Easter Monday.'
Just in case the Daily Mail and the Daily Telegraph do not approve of the Easter Egg Hatching Bonanza the Government is ready to think again.