Written by queen mudder

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Topics: Zoo, Panda, Edinburgh

Tuesday, 3 April 2012

image for Zoo pandas refuse to shag without Marriage of Figaro 'or Cosy Fanny Totty'
A touch of the Pavarottis would do it for Tian Tian

Edinburgh - Keepers at Edinburgh Zoo's panda house are to play recordings of Mozart operas to put Yang Guang and Tian Tian in the mood for a Passion Week shag.

According to years of Chinese breeding experience classical music has a strong affect on female panda ovulation - although the males of the species seem to prefer Reggae as a rock-hard knee-trembler.

Edinburgh keepers said today the bears have just a few more days of copulation attempts before Friday's pivotal spring full moon.

The Vernal occultation traditionally drives male pandas potty if they haven't managed to get it up and impregnated a female before it wanes.

"Yang Guang might like some 'No Woman No Cry', the Head Keeper's blog noted this afternoon, "or possibly 'Ambush In The Night'.

"However this is all about coaxing Tian Tian into parting her legs so a blast of 'Carmen' or 'Aida' may be more productive in pheromone terms."

The odds of the bears producing a cub are currently around 25/1 - still that's considerably better William and Kate's odds of spawning a sprog, those odds are currently zilch.

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