Written by Ellis Ian Fields
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Tuesday, 3 April 2012

image for Ice Cream Price Hike A Con!
Vanilla? Don't make me laugh.

Warnings that ice cream prices were set to rocket have been blasted as a con trick by a local food expert.

The ten per cent rise in the price of one of our favourite sweet treats is reported to be caused by a crisis in the global harvest of vanilla pods.

Opportunists have been stockpiling what stocks there are following two years' poor harvests in the chief producing countries leading to a 20 per cent rise in wholesale prices over the last couple if months.

"What a load of old bollocks," said EIF News & Features food writer Imogen Crumble. "Anyone who tries to to tell you their ice cream has to go up because of the price of vanilla is a bloody con man, a shyster.

"There's no bloody vanilla in any of the stuff you get off the Mr Creamy van or out of the freezer at the supermarket - they've never so much as seen a vanilla pod! It's all done with chemicals!

"Cheating gits!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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