Written by queen mudder

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Tuesday, 3 April 2012

image for William and Kate waxworks cast from Diana and Dodi remoulds
Melted down, mixed with Dodi Fayed's and then recast for daft punters to gawp at

London - "Of course underneath that royal blue engagement frock she isn't wearing knickers, hehe," an exhibition organiser tweeted today, "pretty much like on her wedding day!"

The craven images' debut tomorrow will see melted down Princess Diana and Dodi Fayed mannequins recycled as the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge.

Over 1,000 gallons of 'Africanised' killer bee beeswax, human liposuctioned ass-fat and scrapings from inside Mrs Thatcher's ears have been used to cast the remoulds at Madame Tussauds.

Exhibition organisers hope to raise millions in the surefire belief that punch-drunk Diamond Jubilee punters will flock in droves to see daft Kate and William immortalised in wax.

Curators will be positioning the statues standing slightly apart in the same asexual way that the couple appears in real-life photo-ops. (What's 'real-life about these scroungers, eh? -'Ed')

Immense attention to detail also sees Kate's recently acquired facial dimples hewn into her puppet face to exactly mirror what a Mustique aesthetic surgeon recently gouged out in her cosmetically-enhanced chipmunk chops.

William is portrayed with an awful lot more hair than exists today but his resemblance to birth parents Tony Blair and JK Rowling cannot go unnoticed.

"It's what Diana would have wanted," one of the museum's stagehands explained as the statues were being dressed for imminent unveiling.

Prince Harry and Cheryl Cole are likely to be next.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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