Written by queen mudder
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Monday, 2 April 2012

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Totally legit to solicit in the London Olympics designated hooker zone

Isle of Dogs - The £2 million former NHS contract will see all available prostitutes working the lucrative London Olympics turf microchipped following extensive medical tests.

Emergency legislation means the scheme can be extended from pet dogs, cats and ferrets to sex trade workers just in time for London's big sporting event.

Fears of STDs and other diseases may be behind hookers being automatically immunised with the shots recorded on minute subcutaneous implants that can be tracked by Home Orifice GPS systems.

The scheme got its official red - er...green! - light this morning when North Greenwich tart Flossie Havana got the nod with a clean bill of health along with an ID jab in the bum.

"Feckin' bastards charged me one hundred quid - or a blow job round the back of the surgery - for me pains," Havana grumbled as she collected her official Hooker Passport before heading to work.

The bar-coded implant acts as an official permit to solicit within the Olympic Stadium perimeters and is easily monitorable from dozens of local police stations.

The innovative scheme also means working London girls will no longer be subject to strict quarantine rules before the Games kick off - something that American Olympic sources have been keen to address.

Costs of the microchipping procedure are tax deductable.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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