Written by queen mudder
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Sunday, 1 April 2012

image for Panic as Cameron's face appears on a slice of GCHQ toast
Spooky message as PM's face appears on GCHQ boss' toast

London - A canteen lady at the UK's premier listening station nearly got the sack today after a slice of charred toast was mistaken for a deliberate April Fools prank.

Mrs Doris Carnoustie was serving GCHQ CEO Sir Monty Dambusta his usual breakfast of two eggs (Sunni side up), a couple of Russias of bacon, beans and toast when she noticed a funny pong coming from the toaster.

"It's been playing up, like, ever since the VAT hike on hot takeaway food," Carnoustie, 69, explained, "so I didn't take too much notice."

A few moments later she heard a furious Dambusta shouting 'bloody April Fools Day is it?' and saw him stab his toast with the tip of a MI6-issue James Bond-style high tech poison-nib pen.

"Apparently a spooky image of David Cameron had somehow popped up on Sir Monty's slice," Carnoustie explained, "must have frightened the living daylights out of him, the poor dear."

Last week GCHQ was in the doghouse following reports that the secretive listening station had been monitoring NewsCorpse mobile hacking scammers 'ever since Tony Blair's landslide victory in 1997'.

Dambusta, who fought tooth and nail to prevent the rumor spreading, apparently blamed MI6 psychics - or 'remote viewers' as they are known' - for spreading disinformation via a hush-hush Mossad telepathy channel.

The Falklands War veteran has now launched an impromptu inquiry to determine if some 'sick bastard' in the FO's psychotic division had deliberately caused the PM's face to materialise on Sir Monty's brekker.

Foreign Secretary William Hague is 69.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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