Written by Backandtotheleft
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Sunday, 1 April 2012

The East Riding of Yorkshire's ambulance service has won an award for being environmentally friendly. The service -which is more famous for it's slow response time and high patient death ratio- began its radical environmental overhaul last year.

"I don't know what happened but I turned my back for a second and he was gone, leaving the door flapping in the wind. It was like he was abducted by aliens." Came an almost awestruck declaration by one paramedic.

The patient Mr B.Lobby was found in a garden later that afternoon by another ambulance crew. Which unfortunately ran him over. A black day for the entire operation. But no more! Thanks to these and many more "unsavory incidents" the ambulance fleet has now being turned over to these new environmentally aware procedures.

Their spokesman H. Shipman said

"We have initiated so many environmentally friendly schemes in the last year it's difficult to know what to start praising first. I would say that the new "green" ambulance service is definitely a winner with the patients. There's no longer a danger of them suffocating in the fumes from leaking exhaust pipes, that's for sure! We have also implemented some more extreme environment measures that some ambulance services may have been too scared to implement themselves. Such as the fact that any patient's blood spilling onto the floor can be used to power the engine."

Gladys Parker, 87, wrote in to Back and to the Left news to throw her weight behind the scheme.

"I think it's a great thing the ambulances are being made safer. I like to call the ambulance out 8 or 9 times a week."

And later she even suggests a further improvement to the service.

"It would be nice if they could make a big enough one so's I can fit my armchair in. comfort you see."

It brings a tear to your eye. But even the world weary, battle hardened, dog eared, fighters for free speech and justice that we are could afford some genuine good guys a smile. Unlike many other environmental programs this one has absolutely no drawbacks.

In unrelated news the regions ambulances will now only respond to 1 in 25 emergency calls to reduce their carbon footprint.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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